You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Boobs are out for the taking
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
