I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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