what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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