Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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