he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
