as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
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