Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
