even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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