i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
