Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Text me some of your sweat
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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