Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
