girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
