I need help removing her.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
