glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
