Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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