Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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