That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
