Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
