I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
