i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
