yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
