You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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