I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
