So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
