Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
