Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
