maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just want to make out with him forever
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
