Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
