So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
