she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
