i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
