I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
