I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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