I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
