i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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