she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
