I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
