My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
