You're so nebulous sometimes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
