What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
