I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
