Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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