I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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