So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
