She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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