So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
