Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
