of course. lets lasso hookers.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
