I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
