I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
