lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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