Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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