I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
