he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
